Spoiler alert!

It has been so long since I watched a movie so perfectly horrible (after the 2011 film The Oranges) that warrants a ridiculous review at last.

The story of an autistic 10 year old girl who hates her parents especially her mother and leaves the ‘house by the lake’ to live forever in the lake with a killer beast strangely called the fishman. (It looks nothing like a fish.) The parents return to urban civilization apparently relieved they got rid of the girl. Why does it seem to be a pattern that the ‘defunctive’ girl who feels out of place among ‘normal’ people goes away (into a water body) with a kind and protective mythical beast who understands her? Reminding you of any recent film?

The storyline is fairly straightforward with one predominant theme, which will be unraveled to you shortly. First the synopsis. Mother (who will from now on be referred to as Ma) consults a shrink about her daughter Emma’s condition, shrink suggests a vacation. Father slyly sees this an opportunity to move permanently to the ancestral house by the lake away from a desk job in the city. Ma has to try not being in control all the time and give everybody their space, which turn out to be a fatal mistake. The rest of the movie plots how wrong the father and the shrink are, and how right the mother had been all along. Rather than lose control it was even more control that was needed:

  • Ma fears the place is dangerous for Emma whose talk of the fishman scares her, and tries to return home to the shrink, but her husband, the voice of reason, dissuades her. Imaginary friends are pretty normal for children this age and with this condition, says he. Turns out the fishman was no imaginary friend, but very much real and ugly. Duly, Emma gets bewitched by the watery Beast and elopes with him. Victory for Ma!
  • Ma fears random strangers talking to Emma, shaking hands with her, inviting her to luncheon and so on. Her hysterical overprotectiveness is branded crazy by everyone including her husband. Turns out the stranger neighbour was actually a habitual sex offender. Victory!
  • Ma takes an instant apprehensive dislike towards the young and sexy nanny of Emma but her fears are poohpoohed by her husband nonetheless. Turns out nanny was distracting him. And how! Ends up in Ma making husband fire the nanny at midnight (look who’s in control again) saying she’s a distraction for Emma (really?). As if that wasn’t enough, nanny gets mauled to death by the Beast from whom she tries to protect Emma while the parents are engaged in victory sex. Victory for Ma again!

It’s unclear whether Emma dies by drowning or is magically transported into the watery haven of the Fishman where she lives forever with nobody making her do math lessons or comb her hair.

CLOWNIN’ Score: 1/5