“Sleeping Beauty”: New Revelations

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A recent study on folk legends and fairytales has come up with the observation that most of the stories relate to true events in history. Adnam Napatik, the Hungarian-born US professor who heads the study under the aegis of the INCZI (Institut Nouveau pour le Control et la Zombification des Idées) spoke to Clownin’ about their findings.

Apparently, “Sleeping Beauty”, the daughter of a weak but popular Middle Ages king, Patrick the Puny, suffered from a rare heart condition (whose Old English name too has been recovered from medical manuscripts, Elbuort Treah Ohtne) that induced her to succumb to a coma at the age of 16. Additionally, a drug called milaxin trimethodyne, formed as a result of thermonuclear reaction between refined steel with the neurofibrillary acid contained in cobwebs, have been discovered to be extremely fatal to people suffering from this heart condition. Mr. Napatik thinks the needle of the sewing machine, as mentioned in the fairytale, had underwent this reaction. The princess was declared dead by the court physician but luckily, the king believed the prophetic words of the old witch would never go wrong and thus, the comatose princess came to be kept in a secluded room for many years.

The proclamation to the general public stated ambiguously that the princess had drifted into a ‘slǣp manig wintergerīm’ (the sleep of many years) and that the kingdom would embark on an indefinitely prolonged state of mourning. Moreover, the king’s statement added that anyone who could awaken the princess would become heir to the throne. “A good many people must have come to the palace”, says Mr. Napatik. “They must have performed all sorts of funny tricks, great maneuvers, until someone, possibly a tramp, taking liberties perhaps, kissed the princess. The girl, the royal chronicler vaguely records, ‘hæpte and acwælon’, that is, jumped in her sleep and died.”

Fake News @ CLOWNIN’

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